A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 40 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nodded… “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.” “From hunger, you mean?”, asked the doctor.” No, from skipping.”
TODAY: SKIP (EATING) SOMETHING.
Thanks to Ebaumsworld for the joke.
Camp Hill PA– The latest diet craze, diet ice cubes, is becoming a big seller at the Pick N Tote in the West Shore Farmers Market. The tiny ice cubes cost $10.00 for a dozen and the store sells thousands a day. The ice cubes have zero calories and no cholesterol. They are the brain child of the store’s manager aptly named Arnold Waterman.
The diet ice cubes are “homemade, right in back of the store” according to Waterman. “We have them displayed with the snacks, right next to the diet sodas, you can’t miss them.”
Wendy King-MacDonald A big customer and fan of the diet ice cubes said “I weigh 457 pounds but I’m trying to lose some.” Her cart was filled with junk food and diet ice cubes. “I also like the fact the ice cubes are low in cholesterol since I have had heart failure. So I hope to be either dead or in a bikini by the end of July.”
Mr. Waterman hopes to make a boatload of money with his new product line. “I’m thinking of selling diet water for $10.00 a bottle too. There certainly is no shortage of suckers out there to sell these diet products to. Like everything else, they eat it up. ”
Really?
TODAY: DON’T BE FOOLED. DROP SOME REAL CALORIES AND DO SOME REAL EXERCISE. THAT REALLY WORKS.
Thanks to TheSpoof.com for the original story which has been modified by The Diet Nag.
Over the weekend I was at the local warehouse club buying a huge bag of Purina dog chow for our Labrador Retriever Sally. I was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. My first thought was “what did she think I had, an elephant?” Rather than ending it there by saying yes, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog and “I was starting the Purina Diet again.” Then I said that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but it was a great diet because I’d lost 50 pounds before I woke up in the intensive care unit.
I went on to tell her it was a nearly perfect diet. The way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The dog food is nutritionally complete, it works well and I was going to try it again. By now everyone in line is listening in.
She then asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, “I was running around in the yard when I chased a tennis ball into the street and got hit by a car.”
She didn’t get it, but I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
TODAY: LAUGH IT UP. IT’S GOOD FOR YOU.
This one is a bit of a trick. Yes there are snacks that are good for your diet. Those bags of little carrots are right up there with the best of them. Crunchy, satisfying, tasty, full of good fiber. Keep some on hand to grab instead of high calorie snacks. Then the next time you get a check-up and weigh in you can say “What’s up Doc?”
TODAY: GET SOME CARROTS FOR SNACKING.
It’s the weekend. A chance to catch up on things. A chance to relax and recharge. While you’re relaxing go ahead and take a nap. After all you can’t eat when you’re asleep!
TODAY: TAKE IT EASY BUT DO A LITTLE EXERCISE TOO.
Saturday is here and the weather is really wicked everywhere. It’s going to be tough to resist eating too much. The key is going to be keeping the snacks satisfying yet low in calories. I mentioned the chicken broth earlier in the week. A hot cup of that is a mere 20 calories. You’ll find that beef broth gives you another option and a trip to the soup aisle will show you that there are several other options including some exotic choices including oriental and spicy. Just check the labels for total calories. A warm tasty sip will take the edge off your cravings.
TODAY: KEEP BUSY TO KEEP YOUR MIND OFF OF EATING.
A hot stick to the ribs breakfast doesn’t have to be loaded with fat, calories and sugar. Good old fashioned oatmeal is a great source of complex carbohydrates (the good kind) that will get your day of to a great start and curb potential cravings in the first part of your day. Plain instant oatmeal in a cup with some added raisins and even a few walnuts makes a great quick breakfast. Try some other dried fruits for variety. The oats also add some other healthy benefits to your diet. Don’t do it every day, but it’s a great treat on a cold morning.
TODAY: DON’T FORGET TO EXERCISE, EVEN IF IT’S JUST GOING UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS A FEW TIMES.
Daily Nag | Diet Nag | 
February 17, 2011 6:09 am | 
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